Ever since I came across a news item last year about a UN report that mentioned Pakistan being amongst the top 80 happiest countries of the world while India trailed far behind, I tried to determine as to what could be the reasons for this unexpected finding. Because on the face of it, it doesn’t make any sense because the people of Pakistan themselves have been vociferously complaining all along of how, barring their army, all other government institutions in the country are either defunct or compromised. So, even though hard to accept, but it’s obvious that the key to Pakistan’s impressive ‘happiness quotient’ lies in the yeoman services that the Pakistan Army is extending to its citizens through the Fauji Foundation and Army Welfare Trust.
The truth is that the people of Pakistan have more than one reason to thank their Forces, because it’s due to the army that they get a blissful sleep at night! Having sound sleep is a major indicator of happiness and there’s no doubt that the people of Pakistan get better sleep than their eastern neighbours. But the reason for Pakistanis getting a peaceful sleep isn’t restricted to the assurance that their army will thwart the nefarious designs of a hegemonistic Hindu nation. It’s more because of the sumptuous dinner comprising kebabs prepared with the excellent quality meat sold by Fauji Meat Limited and the soft naans (bread) made from the of best quality grains distributed by Fauji Foundation Experimental and Seed Multiplication Farm that have been nourished by Fauji Fertilizer Bin Qasim Limited and cooked over LPG supplied by Foundation Gas, Rawalpindi.
But it’s not the tasty food alone that brings sound sleep and pushes up the happiness index. There are many other equally important factors and it goes to the credit of Pakistan Army that it takes full care of all of them. With fans, coolers and air conditioners running on electricity supplied by Fauji Kabirwala Power Company Limited or another such army run subsidiary to beat the heat, coupled with the confidence that the roof of their bedroom won’t suddenly cave-in since Pakistanis bought the cement from Fauji Cement Company Limited, getting a good sleep is but natural! Similarly, starting the day with a wholesome breakfast of tasty cereals purchased from Fauji Cereals along with the famous ‘House of Nurpur’ brand of butter, milk (ultra-heat treated, pasteurised, low fat or even flavoured) and cheese from Fauji foods undoubtedly brings cheers to the people of Pakistan, making them a much happier lot!
The official website of Fauji Foundation run by the army accepts that it “is amongst the largest business conglomerate in Pakistan, but Pakistan Air Force and Navy are also running their own commercial empires called Shaheen Foundation and Bahria Foundation respectively. Besides providing good quality foodstuff, the Pakistani armed forces run foundations touch the lives of virtually every Pakistani. If you are looking for a job abroad, there’s the Fauji Foundation run ‘Overseas Employment Services’ to help find you one and if you get the job, you can always depend on Askari Airline or Askari Aviation run by Pakistan Army to fly you to your destination.
Keen to invest in stock markets? Well, try Army Welfare Trust (AWT) Investments and for security solutions just contact Fauji Security Services, Rawalpindi.
The elite and glitterati needn’t despair because the Pakistan Army has thought about them too. For those who want to spend some quality time with friends at a ‘happening place’, Army Welfare Mess and Blue Lagoon Restaurant in Rawalpindi is the right place. Want to turn your neighbours green with envy? Buy your wardrobe from Askari Apparel Lahore and if you wish to park your money without fears of the bank going bankrupt, just try Askari Bank. Book banquet at Askari Lagoon in Faisalabad run by Army Welfare Trust to show your class, make a statement by hiring bodyguards from Askari Guards Limited as it’s the only security company that has government permission to use AK-47s all over Pakistan. You can make your mark by buying a commercial space in Lahore’s 500,000 sq. ft Askari Tower developed by the army or hosting an exotic Italian dinner with the wide variety of pasta and vermicelli produced with foreign collaboration by Fauji Infraavest Foods Limited followed by desserts prepared from IQF (Individually Quick Frozen) fruits marketed by Fauji Fresh n Freeze!
But Pakistan Army doesn’t believe in resting on past laurels and in its ongoing efforts to further enhance happiness level of the people, Inter-Services Public Relations (ISPR), the public relations wing of Pakistan armed forces has even entered the Lollywood (Lahore film industry). Titled, Kaaf Kangana, this ISPR project is a romantic drama that is bound to enthral domestic audiences for two reasons: One, it has an ‘item number’ that will surely titillate the male viewers. Secondly, by tweeting that the item song (performed by Pakistani actress Neelum Muneer) depicts an Indian girl in the movie, Director General ISPR Maj Gen Asif Ghafoor has ensured that the clergy isn’t scandalised seeing a scantily clad nymphet dancing in gay abandon or the domestic audience ridden with guilt for leering at someone who belongs to their own community!
TailpieceWhile the people of Pakistan may be happier than Indians, but with Ms Muneer saying that she did the ‘item number’ in Kaaf Kangana “only because this movie is a project of ISPR” and declaring that “Pakistan key liye meri jaan hamesha hazir hai,” (I’m ever willing to lay down my life for Pakistan), it appears that Pakistanis are too eager to prove their patriotism.